Audrey writes: I have worked as a nanny for several different families, and have always been asked to do some light housekeeping in addition to caring for the children. Occasionally some families would leave me some dishes from the night before or the morning of, and I had no problem cleaning those up once in a while. However, the family I just started working for makes elaborate breakfasts almost every morning, and by the time I get there the kitchen is completely trashed. Shortly afterwards the parents leave for work, leaving me behind to clean up the mess (without even having saved me a cup of coffee or a pancake!). Sometimes it takes me almost an hour just to clean up the breakfast mess. I feel that this is overstepping my boundaries, and I feel a bit taken advantage of. I would have no problem if this were a once in a while occurrence, but it seems that is is the norm with this family. I wouldn't dream of leaving them a trashed kitchen after having cooked dinner for the kids right before I go home, and I'm disappointed that they don't have that same respect for me. How do I tactfully set my boundaries with them?
Answer: Ouch. This kind of insensitivity can lead to a resentful nanny pretty quickly! I would nip this behavior in the bud as soon as possible, but your question is key, how? One option is to leave the mess every morning until they either get the hint or bring it up with you themselves, but if you're anything like me, I would find it impossible to work around that mess all day! Plus, passive aggressive behavior isn't usually the best way to deal with a problem. I would say something like this, "I know you're busy in the morning but I feel a little overwhelmed when I arrive every morning to a messy kitchen. I expect to do some light housekeeping throughout the day, but it's hard for me to give all my attention to the kids when I have to spend an hour cleaning up." They should get the hint pretty quickly that it's not your job to cleanup after their morning fete! Maybe they will allow some extra time to do the cleanup themselves, or decide the breakfast banquets will have to be designated for weekends only!